Jumping off a bridge moments

Why do we as human beings enjoy jumping off of bridges and airplanes? In my current state of mind I believe it is due to facing the unknown, and being okay with any outcome. What you know is that things could go really, really, wrong. Something very unfortunate could happen. It is extremely risky, and not many do it. But... it also could be exhilarating! It could give you an out of body, shedding old skin, type of experience.

What other actions do we take as human beings that start and end with similar factors? Quitting your job. Telling someone you love them. Crowd surfing! There are countless more, but those are the ones I have had the urge to do (or have done) most recently. In reality, what have you got to really lose? It depends on what you are clinging on to. Try this!!! Rather than thinking about what you might lose, why not think about what you could gain? What could taking this risk do for you?

As you may have read from other posts, I have been scared to tell people in my life (specifically men that I have been romantically involved with) how I really feel, out of fear of losing them. This could also be applied to being honest with my co-workers and friends as well. After my mediation course, and a therapy session, I realized that I just cannot hold onto everyone in my life. I need to let some people go in order to make room for others to come into my life. How exciting! New people to get to know and make connections with. New stories to hear and memories to make together. So swap one out and just let the world turn to bring in the new ones. Not like you can just sit on your rear at home watching Netflix (wink wink you know who). But when you are out and about at work, the grocery store, the bar, the park - open up your heart, your eyes, and your physical body (having your shoulders back, sitting straight and chest out actually makes you more inviting and friendly) in order to be open to the world of people. And open your mind to new adventures - meetup groups, concerts, hobbies. Who knows what will happen and who you might meet!

So, what about the ones that, for one reason or another, we genuinely don't want to let go of, or are not ready to let go of? Well, maybe you just tell him/her that? Just lay it all out there on the line? Now, I am not saying I am ready to pick up the phone and pour out my heart to all those that I have feelings for, but there may be one or two cases where such an exercise would be beneficial to both parties. I know that by doing so I do risk the chance of completely losing this person. He/she could be completely freaked out, or just totally not understand why I would have such feelings. However, that's part of the fun right?! It could go sooooo wrong. It could hurt really bad. It could break and tear me apart. Would it hurt the other person in any way? Well that is definitely something to consider. We always want to be sure that our actions are not harming anyone else.

Maybe it's just because I have faced so much rejection lately that I have gotten to the point that a few more times wouldn't really make a difference. Or maybe it's because I am on my way out of the country so I have an escape route if needed. Maybe it's just because I have been dating for a year now, in the same type of job for 6 years now, and have now had enough time to notice the people and experiences that I truly connect with and that have stayed in my life. Or, maybe it's just another one of my sociological experiments.

A week ago I jumped off a bridge I had been eyeing for quite some time now, and I just landed in the water this morning. Splash! Ow, that kinda hurt. It wasn't a belly flop, but maybe a wedgie.

Tonight, I thought I was going to jump off another, but in reality I may have just climbed to the top and looked over the ledge. I feel very good about my decision, and the specific words I used. For now, at least. I feel confident, in charge and much more free.