Playing to win

"Do you wanna play or do you want to win?" - The Mother from How I Met Your Mother

The thought of packing for my indefinite travels abroad (which commences in less than 5 days) terrifies me. Have you ever noticed how much stuff you have? Specifically, how much clothes you have? Maybe it's more of a girl thing, but I'd like to think I have a lot less clothes than most women since fashion is really not my thing. I also go through my closet at least twice a year to donate to a battered women's shelter. And since I recently moved out of my own apartment, and had to downsize, I should have less clothes now than in quite some time! Yet, there still seems to be way more than I need! I'm not writing about this right now because it's some astounding realization, but simply because it really has been overwhelming me...and I haven't even started packing yet.

But maybe I have started packing some things...

My feelings. My attachment to and affection for any places and people that are in the US. I can't take any of it with me in physical form, and deep down I don't want to, but my feelings would beg to differ at times. People will be missed. Places will be longed for. Comfort. Familiarity. Unconditional love. I must bid addio.

Love is such a strong word, right? It's not a word that we throw around lightly. You likely have said, "I love you" to only a select few people on this earth. Hopefully, family and close friends have been graced with these words from your lips, not just significant others. And that moment you realize you love someone? What a fantastic feeling. Also, can be heartbreaking. Aw the beauty of the unrequited love. I remember learning all about it in a class in college - yes I took a French Love class and it was astounding. Don't judge. I still remember reading my three page poem aloud to the whole class for my final. Exhilarating!

Every time I've encountered this realization I come upon it in one main way - I find myself saying, "I love you" in my head when with the person or thinking about the person. The words are only uttered in the crevices of my mind for some time before they escape my lips. The time between is probably much shorter when it comes to saying this to my lady friends, mostly because of such a high stakes stigma on saying those three little words to the opposite sex, even if he is just a platonic friend.  Platonic. That's an intriguing word.

Definition time!

Platonic love:
A close relationship between two persons in which sexual desire is nonexistent or has been suppressed or sublimated.

Wow I am surprised by the "or" clause that is included here! Prior to seeing the results pop up in my little Google Search window I assumed platonic would only be accurate when there is no desire. However, what I'm understanding here is that desire can exist, but it is simply suppressed! Is it really platonic then? Yeesh I would think not.

If there is desire, why would one suppress it? Many reasons of course. How do we ever win if we suppress desire? Maybe it helps us hold out for the right person where we do not need to suppress anything?

Things to think on.

-Natasha