Anti-social

I'm finding myself in this strange world where I seem to be quite anti-social. Most of you know that I am a pretty social person. But some of you might also know that I can be very quiet and to myself at times. If in the right mood, yes I am totally the loud party girl who is getting the group going. But, I love to observe. And, when in too large of a crowd where having one on one conversations can be hard, I seem to remove myself. And I seem to do this even more when there is one particular person I would actually like to sit down with one on one, but this person is actually enjoying the crowd. I'm not going to take him/her away from this experience, so I just...am.

I am currently surrounded by people from all over the world. In reality this isn't anything new to me. When I worked at Google I was constantly surrounded by people from Ireland, France, Australia, etc. But what's different now? We're in nature. We've all decided to take time away from focusing on making money to spending money in order to see beautiful things. In general, everyone's story is a bit different and more interesting. One's
occupation is actually the least important thing, rather than the most important.

But I still feel a bit frustrated. I don't want to be the anti-social one sitting on the outside while the others laugh and play games. Or do I? I do like to write. I do like to reflect. And I've come to learn that I am in my head a lot more than the average person, and a lot more than I might be....well not in my head. The struggle I have now is how to turn that into a positive. How do I take this trait of mine and make it beneficial to my journey and to my goals? Write! It's the only thing I can think of. Write about my thoughts, realizations, struggles, romances. And maybe also write about the crazy stories that I make up in my head - the ones that I want to happen, or think could happen. They just pop in my head...all the time. My imagination runs wild...all the time. On the trail, during a meal, while watching live music, in the middle of the night, in the early morning, while driving. All the time.

But I'm not sure anyone wants to know about the crazy ideas in my head. I'm not sure I want to share them. I know I want and need to get them out, but if there is no audience what is the point? Or what is the medium? Short story? Novel? I'd love to be able to write songs but have yet to figure out how to do so. I've got many that I could use as muses.

I don't know. I'm frustrated I guess. Sigh...