It's gonna hurt

You've probably heard something like this before: "I don't want to get in a relationship because one of us will get hurt. I don't want to be the receiver or the deliverer of that pain."

It's interesting that hurt and pain can be related to feelings - to something emotional rather than physical. There are some people that are willing to risk the pain at any cost, because the thrill of the act that may cause pain is worth it. And you know what? That pain is, more than likely, temporary. It's always changing. Aniche. Aniche. Aniche. Have you ever decided to run a marathon? To play a sport? Get a tattoo? Snowboard or ski? Surf? Physical pain can even come from intimate times with a partner - say an all night session or something on the kinkier side. All these things will likely, or surely, cause physical pain - but we do them anyway. No matter how audacious you may or may not be, you have done something that will risk injury; that will likely bring you pain and suffering. Why do you do it? What causes one to choose not to risk it anymore? And why are some people okay with physical pain, but scared of emotional pain? Is one harder to handle than the other? Does one leave deeper scars than the other?

I've got a numerous amount of scars, both physical and emotional. There was a period in the last few years where I chose not to get involved with anyone, but it was mostly because I knew I had nothing to give. I was in a selfish state and I only was capable of thinking about myself. I honestly did not have any feelings. It sounds ludicrous to say, but that's what it was like. I was numb. And that's just not a way to enter into anything that could cause pain. If a part of you, or your whole body is numb, you should not go surfing. That's why we were wetsuits. If your heart is numb, don't try to care about someone or let someone care about you. Ironically, when my heart was numb, physical pain was even less of concern than it normally was. Actually, that makes sense I guess...maybe I had more tolerance because I knew I couldn't be hurt emotionally. I had more capacity for physical pain because there was no option for more emotional pain.

Now my point seems to be moot. Basically, if one engages in physical activity that can cause pain, why is he/she scared to risk emotional pain. Why is one worth the risk and not the other? One trains for a marathon, working on him/her self. He/she is committed to that marathon though. It's been decided. But emotionally, people want to work on themselves alone - get to a certain state before even considering to try a "race". What's crazy is that there are always other races - usually the same ones year after year. But people? A connection you might find with another person can be fleeting, primarily because people are constantly changing - moving, getting involved with others. Dating is more akin to the New York City Marathon or the Big Sur Marathon. You better sign up as soon as you can or you'll miss out! These races are in high demand. Just like any great partner.

If you had to choose between physical pain and emotional pain, what would you choose? Have you ever experienced emotional pain that wasn't worth the scar? That you wish you could take back? Or did you learn from each and every moment, and enjoy all the high points outside of the hurt? Maybe it's just that I'm an optimist, but I truly feel that all my emotional pain was such a learning experience...and still is, since I'm right in the thick of probably the worse of my life. The physical pain though, that stuff brings me down. Some of it is still debilitating, but it still teaches me to be more aware, to stretch more, listen to my body, appreciate when my body is healthy, and makes any physical success even more triumphant because I overcame obstacles.

When does one decide they no longer want to risk the emotional pain? What causes this fear, even when he/she is not afraid of physical pain? Is it age? Is it based off certain events? Maybe it's just a type of person. Some people are more risk averse then others. I took the risk of quitting my comfortable job, and life, for what I thought might make me happier than anything else in the world. It was scary. I had a lot of fears. I had a lot of people who did not understand. But I risked it anyway. It could have hurt, badly, and it still could (financially). However, so far, it was the best risk I have ever taken. Best decision ever made. What was the best risk you've ever taken? What shook you to your core, but you went for anyway, and resulted in far greater happiness and adventure than you could ever imagine? Yes, not all times are easy. It's always going to be tough no matter what. But, deep down in your soul - your soul feels good. Your soul feels no pain. It's floating. It's elated. Your soul is smiling.

#worthit

I invite you to actually share these moments in the comments here!!! I can already think of a few that some of my readers have done, so I know you've got 'em...