Brought to Tears

"...his heart whispered, 'Be aware of the place where you are brought to tears. That's where I am, and that's where your treasure is.'"

I have officially started my California adventure and am now in Oakhurst. Although I do not have a "home" right now, this place feels more like home than anywhere I have been in a while. Last time I felt this same feeling was when I stayed with my "sister" in Oakland the weekend after THE morning. The common thread is a feeling of being loved and cared for; feeling like you can walk into the kitchen and eat whatever you want and no guilt around needing to replace it. Giving hugs and kisses goodnight with an "I love you." And these are people I barely ever see or talk to. And curling up in a bed that isn't really comfortable at all, but sure is comforting! It's all so absolutely beautiful.

On my drive in I cried tears of joy when I noticed the sun shining over the beige hills, creating a silohette of the trees in the distance, as my car careened down the windy road. Then my lips curled up to my eyes with excitement when I got around the car in front of me and Anuerysm, by Nirvana, popped up on my iPod. Hugging the curves, biting my lip, and nearly blowing out my speakers. Pure bliss and titillating danger. Heart pounding, all alone... and loving it! As I neared my destination and passed all the recognizable landmarks of my childhood - the school, the market - the sun was setting. Kings of Leon's "Back Down South" was the soundtrack and it was perfection. The sky blazed red, yellow and orange just over the mountains to my left, my eyes welled up, and I was laughing with happiness.

I actually don't know how to describe these type of tears. I have experienced them quite a bit in the last two months since this all started. Let me try...

First your eyes get watery, then your grin goes horizontal, stretching sideways from ear to ear but not really up towards tour eyes. Your teeth show through a bit, kinda like a Wallace & Grommit smile. Then the deep breaths make a sounds that's a mixture of a laugh and a cry. Almost like you are trying to hold it in, but you have no reason to since you are alone, and happy!

Tomorrow I leave on a 5 day backpacking trip. I am sunburnt, sore, and can't seem to get numerous things off my mind. Oh and that's without even considering how intimidated I am by my company for half the trip who is a professional trail guide - no seriously, he has his own TV show. Yeah, I'm just that cool. I just dusted off my shoulders. The pack I am using was from one of his sponsers! Life is just awesome like that.

But I can't helped but think to look back on how I got here, to the night before embarking on this trip. 2 months ago I was at a festival in Big Sur with my friend who I am backpacking with tomorrow. We would never have gone to the festival together had I not gone to see The Mother Hips and Nicki Bluhm & the Gramblers in San Francisco in December and January and talked about it on Facebook. And I would never have gone to see those shows had I not continued to hang out with my "music buddy". And I would not have ever met him, almost exactly a year ago, if my friend Moira had not begged me to join her for one last drink, where I made a deal that I would only go to Merve's. Lastly, we would never have gone to Merve's that night, at that time, if Shauna hadn't quit her job and had a happy hour to celebrate. What a freaking circle of life!!!

I know I don't need to look back, or even to the future, but instead just be present, but I do appreciate everyone who has had a part in my journey to where I am now. No matter what are relationship is now and how much or little our paths cross in the future, all those moments and connections are noteworthy to me.

Peace & Happiness,

Tashbagosh