I created a blog!

I got lost in the life I was living. I got lost for too long. I got lost in the comforts, and the acceptance by others. I got lost in distractions - some very positive. Those were good - the distractions. But they were good because it was a glimpse of really living life. Of doing the things that, at my core, I love to do. But then I would go back to that building, to that desk, to spend countless hours with those people. But one morning, it all hit me.

It's not that I wasn't already aware that I needed to make a change. I have been looking at new jobs for a full year now. But I haven't known what to do, and I have been limiting myself to trying to figure out what is next for me in my career, but needing to figure it out while being miserable in a life that I didn't really enjoy. That's what I thought it was - just a life I did not like. But in reality it was so much worse. In reality I cried. I cried all the time.  I still cry, but the struggles that cause the tears are now worth it. They are not tears of hopelessness, but tears of fear. And fear can be good. "If it's both terrifying and amazing, then you should definitely do it." 

That one morning - when it all hit me and was clear  - well there was one single really strong feeling. One simple thought that sums it up...

"This is not my life. This is not where I am supposed to be. How did I get here?"

A variety of factors made me get lost from who I really am and what I really want to do, and I ended up in a life that was not my own. It was a life that many others wanted and even more looked up to me for leading. But it was just not mine. And it made me feel sick. Literally. I was absolutely miserable for 7 months.

But now I have started an adventure. An adventure to get lost, again! But this time in a good way. This time, paying close attention to what I really want to do. To what...

feeds my soul

has been on my bucket list for years

friend and family I want to see

love I want to give

time I need to take, places I want to see, and people I want to meet in order to fully understand the options that are out there and FEEL what is right for me

I want to get lost on the road, in nature, in conversation, in the music, in someone's eyes, in someone's body, in the deep but simple flavors of a good meal, in my own thoughts, in possibilities, in the ocean, in the written word, in life.

I don't know when or if I will share this with anyone, but I do know that I will write here as often as my soul desires. Maybe more often just to get the thoughts out. If I do share this I would hope that it would help encourage others to follow their gut and make audacious decisions. I'd also hope to make my readers laugh, to teach them something, and to make them feel not alone.  Sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings to anyone makes one very vulnerable, so I have to be okay with that first. If I have shared this with you, please treat my words with care, love and respect, just as I would hope you'd treat me as a friend, and just as I would aim to treat you.

Peace & Happiness,

Tash