Reflections

When you look in the mirror, what do you see? When you look inside yourself, at your heart and gut, what do you feel? When you watch and listen to others, what do you think? When you are surrounded by nature, water, no one, cars, roads, buildings, etc. how do you feel? These are the types of things I have been trying to be very aware of, and making moves accordingly. It is tiring. It is tough. It's frustrating and overwhelming.

I know what you're thinking..."Shut your face Natasha! Are you really complaining about your life right now? You are completely free with no schedule at all. My life is tiring, tough frustrating and overwhelming. Work, kids, a house - that's tiring tough frustrating and overwhelming!"

Okay okay. I know. I am not complaining here, or comparing. Just simply describing my experience. If you don't want to hear about it, stop reading. Otherwise...

Since I crossed the Texas border I have been confident I made the right choice turning away from NC, but still thinking about CO. In less than 24 hrs I have seen the most amazing sunset of my life,  slept for 10.5 hours in what was definitely the most comfortable bed I have slept in two months, and swam in natural springs. I've also been enjoying my reflection upon true Texas humidity - the air so thick and wet that, as soon as you walk outside, you get a strange reminder of how you feel when swimming. Yes, the air is so moist walking is reminiscent of swimming.

Today, I did not hike or run. I set my tent up early, swam, walked thriugh the butterfly garden, becoming entranced my the wind chimes, and now have a whole night to relax, in what I thought would be silence and solitude. Yet, that is not the case and it is bugging me big time! What's weird is that although last time I was in Austin I was all about seeing as many gigs as possible, partying, drinking and eating, this time I just want to be in nature, and in peace and quiet.

For example, The Whiskey Sisters are playing right now at my favorite venue. Also, one of the guys I met last year when I was here is playing the blues at a different bar. But where am I? Sitting on a bench, in my bikini, next to my tent, eating trail mix, and about to open the state park guide again. What's more, when I set up camp earlier today there was only one other couple and I thought I was in heaven. More and more have rolled in, and the vibe down by the swimming hole is more of a party vibe with cans of bud light in all hands, and crappy music playing, than the peaceful hippie culture springs I thought I had come upon.

Alright, again it sounds like I am complaining. Sorry. In reality I am just reflecting on the scenery, type of people and culture I feel best in. So far, the mountains have been the winner. Well, I guess more just rugged nature. Secluded. Where only adventurers go. And as for the music? I still want my music, but maybe now I am okay with not seeing a new set every night and having my iPod playlist always going, but rather crave to be around musical people where we can do our own jamming. I don't know it all exactly, but what I do know is that right now, I don't want to be here. Again. But I need to find my peace among the chaos. And then, try again tomorrow.

What I look forward to:
- Catching up with my friend and teammate from high school. Can't wait to hear her story.
- Seeing my Austin buddy rock it out at The Continental Club, for two sets, at the same place we met over a year ago.
- Exploring as many of Texas' state parks as possible.
- Picking up some booze to bring back home to friends.
- Time to reflect and write, not just in my blog, but also some postcards and some emails.
- Sleep
- Texas accents, and lots of "howdy"

And to end, I will share a few more traveling tips:
1) Sign up for Hotel Tonight! Use the promo code NBUFFO. Their mobile app is perfection. And funny. You never know when you might be locked out of state parks after 10pm and too exhausted to find another campsite. Or, stuck in San Francisco after an epic concert.

2) Be efficient with your rest stops. Only stop when you need gas or to pee. At those times you can get food and/or coffee. Don't make extra unnecessary stops. Don't go searching through random markets in Oklahoma because you are craving hummus. (Actually I don't regret that...I was at a least 100 lbs lighter than everyone else, many people in overalls, and the accents were phenomenal. I was shocked to find rice cakes.) Don't spend too much time at the visitor center looking at maps. Plan out where you are going tonight, and tonight only. Pick the closest spot. Then go from there.

3) One word - Sprouts. Glorious bins upon bins of nuts, dried fruit, and chocolate covered everything. Roadtrip/camping/backpacking snacks galore!

4) Whatever the drive time says on your GPS, add about 20 mins per hour, at least. That's how long it will take. If you implement the tips in #2, maybe a bit less.

5) Don't do 10+ hr drives. You might think its worth it to get more time having fun in each location, but in reality you'll be exhausted and cranky and probably not even get to where you want to.

6) You do not need to get to your destination. Stop early and camp wherever. Enjoy your evening and start again in the morning. You might be surprised, you may end up not even wanting to go all the way to your intended destination yet.

Alright, time to write some postcards, maybe go for an evening swim, and then hopefully pass out early to get the hell out of here first thing in the morning.

Thank goodness for tomorrow. And unlimited time. Always. Tomorrow is indeed a new day. I will find my peace and happiness... It may be back somewhere I have already been!/Or maybe it's not even in this country. Need to stop searching and just know that each up and down is an experience I get to learn from.

Deep breaths,
Natasha