Dating

"How do you define dating?"

I was asked this question by an interested party recently. I've never contemplated it much before...probably because I've never really had the need to. However, it seems in the last few months I've stumbled across relationships that do not follow the standard pattern of "dating" in today's world. I've used the term to quickly and easily describe my relationship with a few of the opposite sex, whether we see each other every week or two over a span of 8 months, or every day, for most hours of the day, for just 4 days in a row. It seems to cover the gamut. And then, there was...well, what I have referred to as non-dating.

For the first time in my life I have been using the term "non-date" incessantly. I didn't know how else to describe it. I've had some of my best times since being back in California with this person. The places we go and amount of hours we spend together are reminiscent of a date. However, there is barely any physical contact. There is no romantic insinuation. It's pure. It's simple. It's just... lovely. But it's not dating...right?

Dating...what else happens when you are dating someone these days? You text each other throughout the day, right? A good morning there. A photo of a sunrise or of the drinks you are enjoying with friends. Sharing music. He pays for your meals. You spend Valentine's Day together. But there's always some type of physical connection as well! Even if just some hand holding, kissing, or cuddling.

But, what about all that other stuff that isn't as obvious to the lay person's eyes? The smirk you have on your face when you part ways. The giggle that trickles from your throat after reading a text. The butterflies you get when dialing his/her phone number, or walking up to your rendezvous location. Those moments when you lock eyes...for longer than what is comfortable. That split second when there is even slight physical contact, whether a brushing of your hands when receiving a glass of water handed over to you, or a quick nudge during a mutual fit of laughter.

How do you know those moments mean anything? How do you know any of those innate reactions are occurring in the other person, if there is nothing verbalized or physically displayed? Does it matter? You know the two of you should not take things further. It's a bad idea. It's bound to end in heartache. It would be too much of  a distraction that would take you away from things that are much more important in your life.  History is unsettling. Future is unknown.

So, once again, I find myself in a place where I can't walk away. There is too much goodness being shared between us. A mutually beneficial relationship can be had until it's too much to handle. This one is drastically different than my last, but I have a recollection of similar persuasions to move ahead. Most crucially, I want to see him again. That's it. I enjoy being in his presence. I look forward to the next time we see each other. Until then, I'll likely be dreaming about that smile.

Having someone smile at you is quite powerful. Making someone smile or laugh. Is anything better? When I make the people I love most in my life smile or laugh, I could care less about where I am or what I'm doing. In that moment, I feel amazing. All is right.

At my age now, when we've had so many experiences in our pasts and many have pretty clear ideas of their future, it seems we must be more mature in choosing who we date. There is an additional layer or two of caution. Time feels limited and no one wants to waste a few months, or a few years, on something that may not last forever. However, I'm not a person who can walk away from someone I enjoy hanging out with, no matter what complication exists. I follow my gut. I may not be around in a week, or a month, so today, I want to spend it with you. Because, who knows what tomorrow will bring. Maybe, today is all we have.

http://youtu.be/jaqymceidB8