Home

This is the first place that feels like my home in quite some time. I am an important part of this place, part of a well oiled machine, critical to keep it running, well, and efficient. We say goodnight every evening, and good morning after the sun rises. We eat every meal together and when we make snacks we make them for everyone. Probably the kicker really making it feel like something special - having one friend crawl into the bed next to me for a few minutes to chat before we both fell asleep. Getting to know each other better through more personal stories and facts about each other. It was lovely.

I know I belong here. It just feels right. I feel comfortable and I feel my natural abilities and knowledge from life experience give me an upper hand - kind of like when I was in Uganda. I love it here. I am dreading saying goodbye to this place tomorrow. Dreading it. Please can tonight last forever? Or for a few more weeks? Days? I'll take any additional time. Just give me more please!

Right now I am in the bushes....in the trees. I let the boys go have their fun together diving but I just couldn't stay cooped up in the house even while it's raining, so I went for a walk, with some white wine in a mug. Even the mugs I love. Everything. I'm obsessed with this world. Because it's right for me.

"Right now this is your home and we are your family." You know, it really does feel this way. I can feel us all getting closer, and I wonder what would happen if we spent more weeks together. What relationships would arise? What annoyances would come forward? When would I get worn out and sick of it all? There will be a breaking point. A day where I'd want to do nothing and be alone....right? Or maybe not. Maybe when you are in the right place you never get worn out. Because it's what you love. Everyday. Everything. Every moment. Every task. Every person. Every mistake. So many mistakes! But so many triumphs as well. We stick together and cheer each other on. And check in on each other when something seems a bit rough - allergic reactions, messing up on driving the tractor. Or in my case - some show boating while screwing on a roof, or cooking dinner. Come on Natasha! You are so much smarter than this. "I just didn't expect that from you - you're not that kind of girl." Yeah, exactly. But I'm not perfect. Although I try to be.

So now I'm absolutely head over heels in love again....with another place of course. But this time, it's really serious. This time, it's different. My heart will be broken tomorrow. There's no stopping it. There's nothing I can do about it. I can hope and ask for another job here but I'm just not sure it's enough. Will the regular world be enough now that I've experienced what feels to be my true calling? Maybe I'm over exaggerating. Let's think about what I dislike about this place...

The sandflies
Too many carbs
Not totally being myself due a mix of being professional and being fun/friendly

Otherwise? I think that's it. Seriously? Yes seriously. It's amazing out here. And if you know me and and this place you'd get it. Surfing, beach, mountains, amazing food made from fresh ingredients with no recipes or plans - just made on the fly with what we have or what we need to cook, team work, all meals enjoyed together, good music, singing and guitar, hiking, warmth, simplicity, laughs, beautiful wood, hard work, learning new things, building things with your hands, keeping things tidy and organized, sunsets, sunrises, birds singing, deep sea fishing, muscles, lobster, high expectations with understanding and patience, etc etc.

How do I feel? Well I'm wet. I'm literally soaked right now because I am sitting in the trees and bushes on a rainy day, beside the ocean, on the beach. I needed fresh air and I had to see the ocean because I hadn't yet today. Oh that beach - covered in sea shells. I could spend a lifetime making jewelry and other crafts out of just the shells on the beach. Amazing! And some shells I've never seen before.

But for now I guess I must be off. My phone is getting too wet to even type accurately and the rain boots I am borrowing seem to be soaking through with my feet in the mud. But before I go, a quick list if what I've done here in like 5 days...

Caught three fish in the Tasman sea
Stood up, on my second try ever, on a short surf board
Help build a roof...although I screwed up
Cleaned...a lot...mostly dishes
Drove a tractor
Taught my helper buddies many things by translating between Kiwi to German/English
Proved my camping skills through rolling up tents
Built two fires that lasted
Took amazing photos
Cooked venison, a chunky veggie sauce for pasta, scrambled eggs, and much more
Laughed uncontrollably over and over agajn

I'm sure there's more, and if there is not, that is okay. It's about the feeling that I have. The confidence I have. The doubt I get. The desire to please and do a good job. It's all important. The feeling of home, of comfort, of belonging, of leading, of helping, of making a difference, doing something good for the world and for others, and just being happy. Really, really freaking happy. So good.