Scratching an itch

Ughhh. You know that itchy feeling? That one you just can't ignore? It creeps in, and then hits hard! So intense you can feel it tingle up your whole body, begging to be scratched. Writhing, you know you're not suppose to put your hands on it. It just makes it worse right? But, ohhhh it would feel sooo good to just dig your finger nails in and just let go. Let go completely. Ahhhh. That's better.

Self control? What self control?!? I tried to cover it up. Maybe if there is a barrier between my hands and that itch then I won't scratch, right?! Oh but how easily that wall is removed. How quickly that layer is shed without regret. Or maybe you just rub it against another object, thinking, "well I'm not actually scratching it directly, so it doesn't count right?" Hah. Yeah, sure...

Okay, so I've had a lot of itches lately. All over. Some more literal, such as my massive amount of sandfly bites, a few still left over from my Big Bay adventures. Others, such as wanting to drive a manual car again, and get really good at it. And still more, which I'm sure you can use your imagination to guess.

It truly is interesting how intense these itches can be. I've also observed the variance in my reaction to them. Some nights, I can keep my high socks on and not lay a finger (or rub my feet against) a single sandfly bite. How glorious! Success! And yet other days, it's almost as if I look forward to the moment the itching commences, just for some guilty pleasure. Scratch scratch scratch away! Ahhh. That was nice.

I rented a car for a few days - actually its a relocation thing for a rental company so it's fairly cheap. Anyway, when making the appointment, I was fine with the "unknown" transmission. Although I was a bit bummed to learn it was an automatic while signing the papers, it still felt inconsequential. However, every minute that I've been driving, I have been desperately missing that stick shift. It. Is. Strange. And annoying! I pondered over and over again how and when I will get my hands back on a manual as soon as possible.

Now for the "other" itches. Pretty similar to the sandfly bites actually. Some nights (maybe more like moments or periods of a night) I am firm and stand my ground - no need to scratch that itch! I know the repercussions of scratching too well and I am so tired of the scars. I don't need anymore! Not worth it. But then...well I guess I just forget all about it, almost as if I just slide into a routine. Well, this is what I would have done before, so...yeah. Game over. Or game on, I guess. And once you've scratch the itch once, it seems harder not to do it again. Kinda silly actually, like, well I already did it once so might as well keep enjoying the scratch! No point in trying to turn it back. There's gonna be some kind of scar anyway.

Fortunately, I've yet to have any new scars! (Well figurative scars...lots of sandfly bite scars). The scratch has been enjoyable, and of course for me, very interesting to observe and experience something new. Honestly, the sandfly bites, desire to drive a manual car, and the wish to find some more amazing jobs or work exchanges, are far more obnoxious than anything else. Job/work exchange is probably the most intense itch and I feel it throughout the day. Problem is, it's not as easily scratched. Maybe that's why I scratch everything else. They're more in my control. Sometimes it can really help to feel a bit in control, especially when you have chosen to live a life of very little plans so everyday is up in the air. It's like the weather here - unpredictable, adventurous, but then it opens up to being freaking glorious.

Time to go to sleep. I've got a sunrise to watch in the morning!